Lets talk about sex

Some people could call me a reinvented virgin, I just think of my self as on a prolonged sex vacation. I had sex for the first and last time on June 14 last year. I lost my V card to a young gentleman named charlie whom I met on the fine app known as tinder. Sex sucked, he tried about 10 times before I said yes. He kept asking to fuck and I kept saying no…finally I gave up I said yes. We got naked did some 69 action, and then he was inside me. Boy it hurt like hell. I was screaming and crying out. He thought that I was having so many orgasms but really I was yelling in pain. What felt like 3 hours was probably about 60 seconds he pulled out and came all over me. Some got in my v and I started freaking out thinking I was gonna get preggo. I ran to the bathroom and washed it off and wiped it all off but the damage was done. What if I was pregnant. I walked back into his room naked where he was sitting on the bed I sat next to him.

I said, “I realize I don’t know your last name”

He replied but in my freaked out mindset it went over my head. I got dressed quickly and walked out.

He followed me to the door and as I left said, “this was good, lets do it again”.

As I walked out I nodded as if I was agreeing but in that moment I was thinking about how weird it was that I felt nothing. I mean my V hurt like a bitch but besides that I felt numb. I though to my self I will never talk to him again. I got in my car and drove home. On my way home I began to feel more and more uneasy, finally I broke. I began to sob and weep. I had to pull over on the side of the road and I called my older cousin emily. She and i are really close. I told her everything, she listened and told me to go home and go to sleep.

The next day I woke up and I felt disgusting. I couldn’t get out of bed all day, i just kept thinking about how dirty and gross I felt. I was sore, i was sad, and I was scared.

About two weeks later i was in canada on a family vacation where my cousin and I broke away and I bought a pregnancy test. I took it. And it was negative. My heart was so relieved. i had been holding in this secret from everyone in my life except for her in fear that I was pregnant and if I was pregnant i wouldn’t want anyone to know until i could figure out what I wanted. But I wasn’t. I was so relieved. After this experience I was exhausted. I hadn’t been sleeping much since the sex because I was so worried. The next day I got in a huge fight with my mom and my brother and eventually I broke down and told them what had been going on in my life. They quizzed me about the facts but I kept quiet. They wanted to know who I had sex with, they kept saying names of my guy friends ( I wish, it would have been a lot easier). I kept shaking my head and not responding.

I was relieved and scared to eve have sex again. To be honest I haven’t even kissed a guy since then. It was frightening and Im so afraid for what college will bring next year. I don’t know if I’m ready, but whatever happens at least I know it can’t be as bad as my first.

gross. but i still flirt with guys on it.....

gross. but i still flirt with guys on it…..

xx

blair

11 comments

  1. Marquess Thompson · April 24, 2015

    I assume you’re drunk during the time you had sex with a guy you didn’t know well. Next time you’re gonna have sex with another guy, make sure you buy a condom. For sure, you won’t get pregnant. BTW, thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeofblair · April 24, 2015

      I know the risks, things have changed a lot. tbh I was 100% sober… I just have poor judgment and was desperate for love

      Like

      • Marquess Thompson · April 26, 2015

        Then you should be careful next time, okay?
        Learn to abstain from sex and enjoy your
        life being single. That’s all I can say for you.

        Like

      • Scarlett · April 27, 2015

        I also think that instead of condemning her, and advising her to abstain from sex, it is important to encourage happy, safe, sex…if of course that is what she wants. Not everyone is for abstinence. It is okay to have sex. It is also okay to make mistakes like this one. She obviously knows it was a mistake. It takes things like this to learn.

        Liked by 1 person

      • lifeofblair · April 27, 2015

        thanks for saying that, I really appreciate it. I’m not saying this to get sympathy I’m saying it so other people can be aware of things that can happen.

        Like

      • Scarlett · April 27, 2015

        Exactly. Everyone makes mistakes! Especially young women still figuring everything out!
        It is hard to say no. It is hard to remain chaste. Sex can be, and should be something you enjoy! I think as an 18 year old woman, making this mistake will only help you in life. Never ever let anyone make you feel lesser because of this.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Marquess Thompson · April 28, 2015

        Well, you have a point. If that’s what
        she wants, then I’ll respect her.

        Like

      • Scarlett · April 28, 2015

        I’m sure you would appreciate it if someone did the same for you.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Scarlett · April 27, 2015

      But unfortunately even a condom is not “for sure”. They tend to break more often then we think.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Marquess Thompson · May 1, 2015

        Well, it depends on how hard they do it.
        If a condom suddenly damages, chances are she’ll get pregnant. If it happens, her parents will be mad at her for sure.

        Like

  2. Island Girl · April 26, 2015

    You should have done it on your terms maybe that’s why you felt like that , wait for the one you love or at least who like or know the full name of but , you like myself is 18 and this is the time we do some fucked up things.
    Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s